Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
