She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
