dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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