didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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