fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
