i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm like, not good at living.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
