I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
