TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
