im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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