i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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