Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
