The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We're too hungover to prance.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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