the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
