Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
