I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
