What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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