I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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