Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize