Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
