yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
