Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
