i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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