Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
