Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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