Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
