OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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