just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
