I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
