so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
