I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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