I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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