Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Randomize
