I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she pinky promised me she was 18
this will be a night to untag.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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