I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
