That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize