We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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