is your mom at the bar?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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