This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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