I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
