they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
