I seem to have left my pride at pride
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
