I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
