Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
