Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
