my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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