you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
