We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
