I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
