remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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