lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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