you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
