Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
