would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
