there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
