Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
