i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
