Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
