Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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