I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Randomize
