you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
