Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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