Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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