Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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