New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
