Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
