My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize