I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she peed on how many people?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize