So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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