Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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