At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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