there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize