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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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