its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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