My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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