I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
