my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
