She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
