Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
