i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
