she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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