Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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