Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
