ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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