Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize