Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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