I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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