You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
