ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
